Failed at Life
I sold my car today, which means that I will never go on another date. I won't ever get to see the ocean or my friends again, and I've all but cut myself off from the outside world . It's a shame really. I threw the American dream away!
You have a love affair with your car, an illicit, steamy, adulterous, and souls sucking love affair. I get it. You need something to haul the kids around in. I get it. You have to commute 30 minutes to work in a city you can't afford to live in. I get it.
I can't deny the utility of the car for some people. I also can't deny or escape the fact that most/all of our goods are transported by large automobiles. I'm just damn grateful that I can live part of my life without one.
If I have a steamy affair, I'd rather it be... I digress.
So, it's back to downtown life for me; back to biking to the grocery store, back to plugging quarters into the laundry, back to a simpler life. If this is failing, then consider me incapable of winning.
Post Real Estate Insanity
I nearly destroyed myself in the mental struggle. Somewhere, deep down, perhaps in the "gut" I had a kernel of doubt, so I stripped down the whole project to it's parts. I broke down the budget again and was still satisfied that I could afford it, but less sure I should.I decided to call up the only people I know who have owned homes and know me, the parents, and we did it again. Mom, in her sagely businesslike ways has spreadsheets and budget models for every scenario they have ever considered, or have been through. In the process, I learned that my seed of doubt was tied to factors I was not yet conscious of.What it comes down to, I can sum up in one word: lifestyle. Owning a house, or a condo, or anything I have to mortgage involves costs outside of the mortgage and taxes and utilities; and, to be happy and secure I need to be able to cover those incidentals while maintaining my lifestyle. I don't have enough money to do all of that.I am at my core, an individual who is both spontaneous and oblivious. I'm proud of that! I don't like complicated, I don't like to worry -- those things I do at work, or at least need to be limited in scope to a project fueled by interest. If I had bought that house, at any offer over 120-130k, I would be going down the path that would lead to crisis. Too much risk, not enough reward.In the final hours, leading up to the deadline of 8:59PM, my experiences over the last few days clarified. In that time I was sick, throwing up, tense and nervous. That isn't excitement, that's by brain screaming at me to stop. So, I did! I couldn't be more relieved.